It’s been a roller coaster of a ride and I’ve experienced a lot in my lifetime. Despite the bumps along the way (my parents divorce, Dad living overseas, moving countries, passing of family members and fertility issues among them), my life has been adventurous and eventful.
Thanks to a 15-year career in the travel industry, I was fortunate enough to travel throughout Asia, the Middle East, Europe and North America and had the honour of working as a Corporate Sales Manager in the 5-star hotel industry. Travel, deluxe hotels, fancy restaurants, champagne, it was a dream job. I smashed my sales targets and won two awards for best supplier account manager and even won a trip to Monaco! This part of my life was a blast. I also met my best friend and my husband in Ibiza and we all enjoyed a fun and adventurous lifestyle for many years!
The second half of my life is quite different and what I never would’ve expected was a downward spiral of my own self esteem. I used to be so sure of myself and aware of my capabilities and strengths but things started to change.
We had our first child while still living in the UK but decided we would raise our family in Canada, which is where my husband is from. So, we moved half-way across the world and set down our roots in Chilliwack, a small city on the west coast. What I didn’t expect was the wave of insecurities that would come around the same time.
I was pregnant with my third child at the time and the pregnancy was playing havoc on my emotions and state of mind. I began to become paranoid. Very paranoid. I legitimately lost my mind! I was paranoid my son would get bullied in school and I became overly worried and overly protective.
I also became super self aware and self conscious of everything I did or said. I overthought everything and I was a nervous mess in my head.
Social comparison really got the better of me, I found myself scrolling through social media, focusing on what everyone else had and thinking of all the things I didn’t have. I saw friends and acquaintances posting photos together and I felt left out, wishing I was invited. I developed a fear of not being liked, of saying or doing the wrong things.
I put a brave face on and kept myself really busy, brushed everything under the carpet and buried my feelings inside. I didn’t talk to anyone about how I really felt. Hell no! I would have been mortified if anyone knew what a mess I was on the inside! I didn’t even really talk to my husband about it. He knew I was sad but didn’t really understand it. We lived in a gorgeous house, had three happy and healthy boys and the finances to do what we wanted, but I was still not happy. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I had lost my identity. I was hiding my thoughts and feelings, and was a ball of massive self doubt.
I started doubting my capabilities in everything. It was like I had totally forgotten all my past strengths and achievements from before having kids.
I did finally admit to my husband that I needed help and made an appointment with a registered Psychologist. I went to my first appointment feeling very vulnerable and a little apprehensive, but also a little relieved that I was finally getting the help I needed.
It was totally not what I had expected AT ALL. She basically told me just to pull myself together and get on with it! If it really was that simple, I would have done it. I honestly felt it was completely beyond my control and I didn’t know how to pull myself together.
I felt sad most of the time. I doubted what I looked like, how I acted, the kind of Mum I was, I doubted that I could be friends with anyone, I doubted everything. I always used to be so confident and self assured, but I had changed and I couldn’t break it. I was overeating crappy food and over drinking, searching for something to give me comfort, it was a legitimate downward spiral.
This impostor in my head space continued for a few years. I had to go back to work which was tough, as I doubted my abilities in everything, but thanks to help from a career counselor, I was able to rediscover all of my achievements and the heeling process slowly started.
I decided to go back to school for a new career as a special education teachers assistant. I ended up passing with honors and was quick to gain a permanent position in my new field of work.
This is where my love of helping others really came into affect. Working with children with physical disabilities who were incredibly happy and joyful gave me a real wake up call. What the heck was wrong with me?! I really had everything to live for and really nothing to complain about at all. But I still did not feel quite right, still slightly insecure especially socially and around groups of people. I felt kind of awkward and really not sure why.
I started reading personal development books and sought more and more knowledge about how to be happier. I didn’t want to go through counselling or see a shrink as I had a bad taste in my mouth from before. I found out about life coaching and after deliberating over it for months, I finally booked up and got my own coach, and what a journey I have been on ever since!
I didn’t realize that all the bad crap I was feeling about myself was all about my own mindset. It wouldn’t have mattered where I lived, or what career I had, I would always have the same problems until I gained clarity and sorted my head out.
Having a coach enabled me to work through my shit! I was able to break through the endless cycle of my negative self doubt. I gained clarity over events from the past and was able to see many things from a different perspective, which absolutely changed my life! My confidence grew exponentially, as my coach helped me work through my challenges and fears.
With intensive coaching sessions and weekly goals to achieve, I found who I was again. I gained clarity around what was holding me back, worked on my self worth and became empowered to embrace my strengths.
I am a strong, independent woman, a dedicated mother, loving wife and good friend. I am happy, confident and I have found my purpose in life. I am more present with my children, in control of my emotions, I know what I want, I’m clear minded and decisive. The adversity of my brother’s recent passing is driving me forward, not hindering me. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be in a positive head space if it wasn’t for coaching.
I’m now able to push through resistance and take action every day without doubting myself. Honestly. I may look the same from the outside, but my head space is an entirely different place and it’s such a relief!!! I can’t even tell you how much. I have myself back. I have my life back, and it’s once again adventurous and eventful!
Knowing what a fundamental impact coaching made to my life and feeling and living this new empowerment, I made the decision to become a coach myself. I delved in deep, studied hard and fully embraced all this new mind-blowing knowledge. I became a Coaching Master, NLP Practitioner, Emotional Intelligence Coach and NLP Master Practitioner.
I’m now writing my own blog and book. I have started my own coaching business helping clients all over the world overcome their own challenges and self-doubt, enabling them to see and live their future potential.
If you have resonated with my story, I would love to help you! I am currently offering complimentary discovery sessions via online software (Zoom). During this session, we’ll gain clarity around your future, uncover the hidden barriers that could be sabotaging your happiness and you’ll leave this session renewed, energized and ready to take action to become a more confident you!